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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24937918">She Will Always Hate Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doughnuts_wilderness/pseuds/Doughnuts_wilderness'>Doughnuts_wilderness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Fire Lord Zuko, Gen, Mom Friend Katara (Avatar), Post-War, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Zuko (Avatar), Siblings, You Have Been Warned, Zuko (Avatar) Angst, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko Angst, Zuko makes a hard choice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:16:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,337</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24937918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doughnuts_wilderness/pseuds/Doughnuts_wilderness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"She will always hate me, no matter what I say, there is no mistaking, the love is gone."  - James Blunt</p><p>Zuko has to decide the fate of Azula after the war finishes. He has to wrestle with the love he still has for her and his duty as Fire Lord. He knows his mother had asked him to protect her, but the nations request justice for the crimes she has committed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azula &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Katara &amp; Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>143</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>She Will Always Hate Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Song: Always Hate Me - James Blunt</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Oh God it hurt, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The moment that I saw you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> [...] I never thought I'd drown in my shallow heart. </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Zuko could hardly process what was going on around him. He had just fought his sister in an Agni Kai. His sister had almost killed him, had Katara not healed his wounds from the lighting….Azula would have killed him. Zuko would have died at the hands of his sister, most likely the last thing he would have heard was her evil laughter. </p><p>Zuko wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel as he looked at his sister. Katara had fought Azula (and won, holy shit. Katara won-) and restrained her. His sister was kneeled before him, tugging at her chained arms, screaming, crying and breathing fire hysterically. It was….heartbreaking. Sure, Azula had broken Zuko’s heart many times. She abandoned him, mocked him, tried to kill him and pretended to love him. The last one somehow hurt the most. Zuko couldn't help but love his little sister, despite all the terrible things she had done. </p><p>Zuko’s heart was tearing to pieces, yet his mind knew Azula had dug her own grave. His mind knew any sign of affection, and pity he showed her she would use against him the first chance she got. Zuko knew that she was a war criminal and a terrible person.</p><p>Yet his heart saw his 14 year old sister, chained before him, sobbing in despair. It hurt to see her like that. </p><p>Zuko couldn’t take it, he turned his back to her before letting a tear roll down his face. He had to leave, he couldn’t just stand here and watch her. He couldn’t handle it. He would find some guards to take her away, having won the Agni Kai he was by default the Fire Lord. Zuko glanced around the courtyard, his eyes finally landing on what seemed to be some of the only royal guards his sister hadn’t fired within the last 24 hours. He made eye contact with them before nodding towards his sister. They understood.  </p><p>“No! Zuko! Don’t leave me brother!” Azula cried out behind him. </p><p>Zuko froze. He couldn’t move. He knew he should walk away, but he couldn’t. </p><p>“Zuzu, please!” Zuko’s heart skipped a beat.</p><p>For what felt like the first time in 10 years, Azula called him “Zuzu” without malice, without the intentions to hurt him or mock him. Zuko couldn’t help but glance back over his shoulder. </p><p>“Zuzu…...please” She said softly, tears falling down her face. “I’m so sorry!”</p><p>For a moment, it was like she loved him. It was like they could be siblings again, like before either of them could firebend, and mom was still around and father never raised his hand in anger. </p><p>Zuko was drawn out of his thoughts as Katara put a hand on his shoulder. When he looked at her he saw that she too had tears in her eyes. Katara was offering him support, she knew this was hard. She had never been through something like this, but she had a brother and on some small scale she knew how bad this had to hurt for Zuko. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And she will always hate me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> No matter what I say </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And there is no mistaking </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The love is gone </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Zuko glanced back at Azula and this time he noticed the hate behind her eyes. She was still, still trying to manipulate Zuko. She knew she could appeal to his humanity, to his heart. The heart he wore on his sleeve was always seen as a weakness by her and their father, but as Zuko stood watching the tragic downfall of his sister, he wondered if it might actually be a strength. </p><p>No words Zuko could find would make this better. Nothing could be said to fix their relationship, to vanquish the hate and anger she felt towards him. It hurt him to admit it, but Azula had dug her grave so far that Zuko felt it was impossible for him to help pull her out. She hated him and everything around her. She blamed Zuko for all her problems and she felt justified in everything she had done. Zuko was sure she felt no remorse for anything she had ever done. She was only sorry she was beat.</p><p>She would play with his emotions if it meant a chance of escape, but she would always hate him. </p><p>“Take her to a cell and make sure she doesn’t escape.” Zuko said, using all his strength to steady his voice and hide his pain. </p><p>He couldn’t hide the tears that fell from his eyes as he watched her be dragged away. He also couldn’t help but lean into the hug Katara offered him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’d like to say </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The things i never used to </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But come today they won't ever be useful </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I never learnt to use my shallow heart. </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It had been around a year since the Agni Kai against his sister, since Aang had defeated his fathe-no the Fire Lord. Since then Zuko had worked tirelessly to prove his worth as Fire Lord and to help restore peace to the nations. There was hardly a day where he wasn’t in a meeting with the leaders from the other nations, or one of their ambassadors. New treaties were being written up, the Fire Nation was trying to liquidate some of their assets (most of which seemed to be in the form of military assets) in order to help pay for damages in the nations they had terrorized so long. It was a fine line, Zuko wouldn’t allow himself to bankrupt his own nation, he wouldn’t let his people go hungry. But he had seen first hand the pain and devastation they had brought on other nations. When they asked for war reparations, he was already in the process of giving it to them. </p><p>Zuko knew people still doubted him. The Fire Nation doubted him as did the Earth Kingdom and the Northern and Southern Water Tribes. It was only natural, he knew. For the other nations, he was just another Fire Lord in a long line of those who abused power. For his own kingdom some feared he would weaken them, make them a subject of abuse when the other nations wanted to get revenge. He knew a good amount of people supported him, otherwise he wouldn't be on the throne. Yet Zuko felt like he had his entire life, like he was constantly trying to prove he was worth something, and constantly falling short. </p><p>Zuko had just finished another long and painful meeting with an ambassador from the Earth Kingdom &amp; Northern Water Tribe as well as Chief Hakoda of the Southern Water Tribe. They were going over punishments for those who committed war crimes. Every nation had a few. The Earth Kingdom coming in second with the Fire Nation taking the lead by a landslide. Zuko knew that these people needed to be punished. Generals, advisors etc. His Father and Sister. He knew they needed to be punished. That was obvious.</p><p>It is hard to bring punishment down on his own family. They wronged the whole world, they wronged him, yet they were still his only family.</p><p>Hakoda gave him a pat on the shoulder as he walked out of the meeting. The chief probably was the only person in the room who was sympathetic for Zuko. As Zuko watched him leave he couldn’t help but wish Hakoda was his own father. Katara and Sokka grew up with so much love from their family, and as siblings they loved each other. Their family and his were terrible parallels. They were both leaders of their nations, both had lost their mothers. Yet one family was full of love while the other was full of hate. Zuke shook his head with a sigh, no good came from longing for a different life. He had to move forward and deal with the cards he’d been dealt.</p><p>Zuko never made the conscious decision to visit his sister. In fact, he’d consciously avoided her for a year now. Never once had he visited her since the Agni Kai. Zuko had been hiding, hiding from the choices he would have to make, hiding from himself and hiding from Azula. Azula who he had locked up in prison, who could no longer harm him. Except that she could, because Zuko was always the emotional one. Seeing her hurt him. </p><p>
  <b> <em>“You have to protect her, Zuko.”</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>“Why?”</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>His mother had looked at him with soft eyes, had he been older he would have noticed the pain and fear behind them. </em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>“You are her big brother, you need to look out for her. I fear her power may be too much for her one day.”</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Zuko pouted, remembering how just the other day Azula had bent fire for the first time, Zuko still unable to produce a puff of smoke. He didn’t understand how her power could be a bad thing, when father had gotten mad at him for not being as strong as her. </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>“She’s too much like your father Zuko. You have to protect her.”</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Zuko hadn’t understood then, but he did now. His mother had wanted Zuko to protect his sister from herself, from their Father. His mother had known who his father would force Azula to become.</p><p>Yet here he was, standing outside her cell. He hadn’t saved her, hell he had hardly saved himself. He felt so much guilt that he hadn’t saved Azula too. Maybe if he had loved her a bit more, tried a bit harder….</p><p>Zuko nodded to the guard to open the door. </p><p>Azula’s hands were bound in cuffs to restrict her bending, but she had room to move around in her cell, as well as a bed to sleep on. She looked...well she looked pathetic. She was more disheveled than Zuko had ever seen her, she was far less intimidating in her current state. She glared at him as he walked forward, her eyes taking in everything. From the crown of the Fire Lord to the lack of injury when he walked. Her lighting hadn’t weakened him and he was ruling the Nation she had come so close to taking rule of. </p><p>“Why did you hate me?” Zuko asked, skipping the small talk.</p><p>“<em>Did </em>?” Azula asked venomously.</p><p>“When we were growing up.” Zuko stated. “Why did you hate me?”</p><p>“Why not?” When Zuko didn’t respond, she continued. “The second father realized how weak and useless you were, I knew hating you would gain father’s approval.” </p><p>Zuko nodded slightly. Of course, their father was the root of so many of their problems. He pitted them against each other, fighting for any scraps of affection he may toss their way, bits of approval, anything other than the disdain and anger he so often had.  </p><p>“How did that work out for you?” Zuko asked.</p><p>A look of pain flashed across her eyes, before she masked it quickly.</p><p>“Your so-called love makes you weak! Your emotions got you that ugly scar on half your face!” She yelled.</p><p>“No Azula. My Love got me here, standing in the free side of a prison cell, reigning Fire Lord.” </p><p>Zuko hardly paused for her reaction.</p><p>“Your hate and your anger got you locked up in chains.” She was furious, he could tell.</p><p>He could also tell that maybe, for the first time in a year, everything was finally starting to sink in for her. She had been in denial until now, pushing away all her emotions. Zuko wished he would see some sort of remorse in her eyes, even a tiny sliver. Something he could cling to, something to prove to him that she wasn't lost. If he could see proof that she was still his baby sister, that she hadn't succumbed to her circumstances. She was clearly broken yet she still felt truly justified, given the chance she would obviously do it again. </p><p>“I’m only sorry it had to end like this. That I couldn’t save you from our father.” </p><p>Zuko turned his back to her, while he was trying to put on a strong facade, he didn’t think he could do it anymore, he couldn’t stand in front of his sister. He already knew this would haunt him forever. </p><p>She yelled and cried after him as he left, so angry she couldn't contain herself. She yelled every nasty thing that came to her mind. Insults and profanities she knew would hurt him the most, she had learned all his weak points at a young age. </p><p><em> I love you </em> thought Zuko as the door closed behind him. I should have just said <em> I love you.  </em></p><p>He knew at this point it would do no good. Too little and far too late. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> She will always hate me </em>
</p><p>
  <em> No matter what I say </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There is no mistaking  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The Love is gone </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> <em> Looking back I guess i’m holding onto </em></p><p>
  <em> The Good we had </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But I know that it’s wrong to </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Because in the end </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She’s never gonna hold my heart </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Zuko knew it would come to this. After many meetings, it had been determined that war criminals had to be punished to the full extent of the law. For many of the criminals this meant execution. Agni….execution. </p><p>Zuko knew this was standard protocol, all nations had execution for crimes such as these. Mass murder, torture and everything else under the sun. Zuko didn’t want to start his reign with multiple executions. A few Fire Nation generals were up for it as well as a royal advisor were up for execution. As well as his fa-the former Fire Lord and former Princess Azula. Zuko had been trying to avoid referring to them as his father and sister. Knowing he would have to order their deaths...he just couldn’t allow himself to think of it. </p><p>Zuko sat in his office, unable to think of anything else, as hard as he may try. Azula had killed people and she had ordered soldiers to kill people. She was far from innocent. If Azula lived not only would she not pay for her crimes, but there would always be a chance she could try to take over the throne again. If she were to live, there would always be a few who would idolize her.  She could be painted as some martyr, a champion for the honor of the Fire Nation. She could become a symbol for those who missed the old ways to use. They would forget how she hurt her own people, only caring for power. How everyone hated her on the single day she had ruled, seeing first hand a small taste of how cruel she could be.</p><p>Zuko couldn’t help but remember her as a small 3 year old. Before she was able to utilize her bending, when everything was...okay. They were a happy family. Or, as happy a family as Zuko had experience with. His father never hit him in anger, never sneered at Zuko or scowled at his pathetic attempt at fire bending. When their mom was still with them.</p><p>He remembered showing Azula how to feed the turtleducks as their mother watched. He remembered how Azula had gently tossed crumbs into the water, how she had giggled in exhitment as the cute ducklings swam over to eat. </p><p>He remembered Lu Ten carrying Azula and Zuko, one under each arm as they played pretend. Running from invisible foes in the yard, the way Azula hugged Zuko tight as they hid behind a tree from their cousin. Lu Ten had clearly known where they were, but he had pretended for the sake of the game that he couldn't see them hiding together behind the tree, or hear their whispers, that were a bit too loud to be a whisper (as children’s whispers often were). </p><p>Zuko couldn’t remember the last time he hugged his sister. If he tried to hug her now, she would probably try to kill him.  </p><p>Zuko sighed, rubbing his hand across his face. He was sure he had aged 10 years since he became Fire Lord. Rebuilding relationships with the nations your country has attacked for 100 years? Yeah, not an easy thing to do. Trying to reform your own country, educate them on the lies they have been told by their nation for 100 years, help them learn to accept and build relationships with other countries? Very difficult. Signing the decree to have your father and sister executed? Almost impossible. </p><p>Zuko had yet to sign it.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> I never meant to hurt you </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Zuko quickly wiped the tears from his eyes as he heard someone approaching in the hallway. He had managed to compose himself just in time for his door to open and Katara to walk in. He knew that she could tell he had been crying, but luckily she didn’t mention it. Katara had come with her father for this week’s meetings. He had no doubt just caught her up on last week’s decisions and agreements. It was written all over her face.</p><p>“Did you do it?” She asked softly, closing the door behind herself.</p><p>Zuko sighed like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and in a way it was. He straightened some papers on his desk that didn’t need straightening. He avoided looking at Katara as he tried to keep his composure together. Katara waited patiently, something that she wasn’t always the best at. When Zuko finally looked up at her, she was looking back at him with sympathetic eyes.</p><p>“I had to.” He responded. </p><p>Katara didn’t say anything, she just looked at him. She was obviously analyzing him, looking at him as if waiting for him to break. He broke eye contact because the way he was looking at him was making his tears start to well up. It was like she was looking into his soul, seeing all his pain and waiting for him to tell her what she already knew. </p><p>“I had to.” He repeated, his voice breaking this time.</p><p>Katara didn’t even wait for the tears to spill from his face before she was already standing next to where he sat, pulling him into a hug. Zuko couldn’t contain the sobs that seemed to force its way out of his body. He hadn’t allowed himself to full on sob this whole time, a few tears have escaped, he had cried, but he had not broken down like this yet. Katara didn’t say anything, there wasn’t really anything she could say that would fix this. He had signed the orders for the execution of his father and sister. His life was so fucked up, words couldn't fix it. Katara just held him as he fell apart, Zuko allowed it to all flow out of him. He was gasping for air, he was on the line of having a panic attack.</p><p>“I didn’t want to! I-I never wanted to hurt her!” Zuko gasped “I was supposed to protect her!” </p><p>Katara nodded slightly, still holding him. </p><p>“When does it happen?” she asked.</p><p>“4 days.” </p><p>When she didn’t respond, Zuko felt the need to expand.</p><p>“Any longer would have been cruel to make them wait. Any less wouldn’t give me time to prepare…”</p><p>He felt her nod again. Zuko leaned back away from her hug and looked her in the eyes.</p><p>“Am I a bad person?” He asked.</p><p>Katara shook her head without hesitation. “No Zuko, you aren’t.”</p><p>“Aang won’t approve…”</p><p>“Aang….” Katara sighed. “Aang can’t always be your moral compass. You live different lives, you will require different choices..”</p><p>Zuko nodded slightly. He was still crying but he was breathing more normally now. Zuko knew this would hang over his head for whole life. Right or wrong decision...it would always cause him pain. Some things in life stick with you forever, and he knew this would be one of those moments. </p><p>“I was supposed to protect her…”  </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> I never meant to hurt you... </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>_____________________</p><p>Please comment if you liked this! Comments really fuel me more than they should XD</p></blockquote></div></div>
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